Now, some days after that first visit, yes first of three, all in two weeks. I still had to come home to work.
Sounds funny driving almost six hours each way and talking about visits like he was around the corner.
Oh how I wish!
The first visit was magical! We caught up on things. Spent many hours awake, afraid to sleep, did not want to waste time. Time, so precious now since I was required to go back to the real world.. Some how during those five days I knew he was to become my 'real world' now!
My life was to change in ways I would never had expected!
We talked about me trying to get a transfer closer. I did think I could get closer than three hundred miles away. I could rent an apartment, I was already planning to move anyway, what did it matter where. Now that he was back in my life I knew the direction I wanted to go. No, I did not want to move in with him, I had vowed some years earlier I would never live with a man again, I just wanted to be closer. Maybe to see each other more than every few months. That was the reality of the situation.
Yes, He was and is the love of my life! Yes, he was, and still is my best friend, and he is who I want to share the silly things with, the really big things and the everyday things . But in the same house? Under the same roof? That, I was not sure of. Scared, petrified and excited would be the emotions I felt!
We just needed to figure out the logistics of the situation. I knew we would. I also knew I was not letting this slip out of my life again. I had made that mistake twice before and would not allow it again.... Older and wiser now, I knew I loved him beyond belief and now knew he felt the same.
Sitting on the porch over morning coffee we would stop talking and just look at each other, then reach out and touch. Just to know it was real. The intensity of the feelings were hard to imagine, even harder to believe. I know I was having a difficult time understanding where they were coming from. So much time had past! But as we sat there it was if our hearts had been connected for all that time!
Leaving there that time was, oh, so difficult.
Not knowing when I would see him again, not wanting for the "heaven" of us to be over I stalled for as long as I could.
Then the time came! Time to leave! I could put it off for no longer.
Pulling out of that driveway it felt as if I left my heart and soul there. The tears came! They were falling onto my lap before I was even to the end. Looking out the window and back at the house I saw him waving and knew in that minute both of our hearts were breaking. It felt as if something was being ripped from my core. Grabbed away from me again...
I knew then that what he asked me with tears in his eyes, on that beautiful porch, on the side of that mountain, was no lie. No one ever looked at me with such love in their eyes! Just as I was! He loved me! Me! The same way I loved him, just because he was him! Not because of what I wanted him to be but because of who he was!
I loved him just because he was alive! Basic and simple as that was. He was ALIVE!!
We needed to be together for all time and I was to start the process of moving there. It was his idea! Not mine! For I never wanted to live with anyone again! I stayed away from any type of relationship, that was a bad word for me I was no good at them!
Before I was even home I was thinking about how long before I would be able to go back up. I knew I needed to go back there and see him, I knew he wanted me to come back. I could see it in his eyes as I left.
I stopped at work and looked at the schedule and with a little switching I found out I could drive there for two days the following week. I text him and the surprise and the happiness in his message said it all.
The plans were in motion. Our hearts and soul were ruling us this time! We had no option, we had to be. The chance now, to do what we should have done so many years ago was back, fate had stepped in and gave us a third chance at this love we felt. We were older and knew our time was limited just by age. We had to be together.
That second visit was more planning and thinking. We only had two and a half days that time and needed to have many serious discussions. Sure there was the fun! This was the real test! We were able to still laugh and have fun while deciding how to move forward together.
We so looked forward to the future. I as I have never done before. Always living in the moment I very rarely made plans for the future. My thinking was and still is, things could be gone in an instant! I found myself looking forward to the future with him. I found myself planning for the future! I had to leave and get back to work. As difficult as that was I knew we were to be forever bound. I left that time with more confidence we would not stray apart as we had so many years ago. I left there feeling very, very loved! I knew we were forever bound! And that the future with this man I had loved for my entire adult life was coming true. He was and is, and will always be the love of my life! I wanted more that anything to make him happy, to make us happy...
The third visit..............
I left on Saturday morning to be to work at one o'clock, so I had to leave early in the morning for the five and half drive home. There were no plans to go there for a few weeks. I had to work all day Sunday and was to get done at eight p.m. Through the day we text back and forth a lot. We had so much to 'say' to each other. Sometime through the day I started to toy with the idea of driving back up after work and then dismissed it. Silly! I had just left a little over twenty four hours ago. I also knew I needed to be there again. I needed to see him as I had never needed anyone ever! It was ridiculous! I knew that.
I started to toy with the times in my head and leaving after work would put me there at around four am. Silly since I had to leave by noon on Tuesday to be to work on Wednesday. Give us a little over a day to be together again.
I made the decision to go and called to say at eight thirty I would be on the road there. Of course he was concerned, the worst part of the drive my phone did not work, no service. This being the most dangerous part of the ride, all back roads, very dark and no cell service. But I did it! I had no option I had to be there with him.
How can I ever explain the necessity of seeing him? I could not explain it to myself. This time I did not tell a soul, it was a secret get away just for us. I relished the idea of going there, I was oh so excited to be able to see him again. I called from the last point I had service and he said he would be awake. I told him to take a nap and I would be there as safely and quickly as I could. Sure I was tired, sure I was a little scared, but the idea of being in the same house again with him by my side was the momentum which kept me awake and driving.
That day and half was heaven! We used the time to be together as if it was an extra present on a holiday.
We revealed how much we enjoyed to be together, and on that visit we both knew we needed to be under the same roof! We needed to spend the rest of our time together! Silly as it sounds at our age. I knew I would not be able to not be with him. I also knew I would move heaven and earth to wake up next to him every day for the rest of our lives. I knew I wanted to go to sleep next to him every night for the rest of our lives.
I had waited thirty eight years for this kind of love to come back to me and I was not allowing it to go away.
There is nothing like getting a third chance at this kind of love and connection. It was that third visit where I understood the love we had had for each other all those years we had been apart, when we had married different people and had lived full lives.
I now knew what had been missing from mine for oh so many years. This visit only proved to reenforce the things we felt.
The plans were set in motion with excited anticipation. The time of being apart was soon to be over and we would be starting this part of the journey together for the rest of our lives.
Not time, or space or anything would be able to separate us now as they had for so many years.
We were older and knew the value of time! We also had the appreciation for the connection we had to each other. We learned in that very first hug after so many years we had been bound together for ever and now our silly heads had caught up to our hearts and we made the plans.
Leaving that day was harder than the first for now we knew how it would be! We knew the joy of being together all the time. We understood the true meaning of soul mates. The emptiness in our hearts was gone and had been replaced with love and gratitude to God for giving us this third chance and we decided then and there it was not going to drift away again. Yes some said it was fast but to us it had taken thirty five years to get to this point and we did not want to allow one more day to be taken from us so the wheels were set in motion and we were off to start our new lives together.
Yeah! My heart cried! and my soul rejoiced at the reality of him!
Again I thanked God for this very special gift and vowed to not throw it away. How many get a chance to have this kind of love? A love so binding that time and years could not and did not take away from us.
A love so special which so few have and even fewer appreciate it when they do.
Showing posts with label new life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label new life. Show all posts
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Just when all is planned, CRASH BOOM BAM
Driving home from work one night about a month ago listening to Delilah on the radio, feeling really sad and excited with the fact that I was going to build a life for myself. I did think how nice it would be to have someone to share it with however, it was not a requirement. Actually kind of excited with the idea I had no one to answer to, no one to think about if I wanted to move to another state, and was contemplating a big move to the state of Alaska. Looked like a fun place to go and was putting the plans in motion.
Delilah has callers calling with these love stories which usually melt my heart. This night there was a man calling, a voice full of love and emotion, catching my attention. He had been "reconnected" to a woman from his past, some thirty years from his past. I was able to hear the tears in his voice. He was so exceptionally happy and his voice told the story. They had dated while very young and for some reason had gone separate ways. He really did not know why and had thought about her for all those years. One day they happen to cross paths and the rest is history. They found they still loved each other, married and have been living incredibly happy since.
My mind wondered to the man I had dated in my early twenties and as I was fifty-six now thought if we would be that lucky. Over the years I had often thought about him and wondered how he was, was he happy, did he have a family? He was a wonderful man, exceptional human being, and I had cared for him immensely, yes and still did. It was at times like that I realized how much I still did care for him and missed him. I had not allowed myself to go back to those intense feelings, EVER.
I had tried to look him up when I moved back to my home town. When I mentioned it to my mother she had heard he was shot while on duty as a police officer, and had passed away. I looked on the Internet for something, nothing. I often started to the police station he worked at but always stopped myself, partly for fear he was actually gone and partly for fear he was happily married. Not that I would have been unhappy for him but more sad for myself. All I ever wanted since we had lost touch was for him to be happy, he was well deserving.
So as I listened to the story on the radio melancholy set in and my mind wondered to thoughts of him and how nice it would be if he was alive and came back into my life. Would we, or could we pick up right where we left off? Was there a possibility he was alive and single? Believing as I do in "the other side" and being able to hear from people who have crossed over, I thought 'are you looking down on me?' Do you see me here thinking about you? Have you met up with all the others I know who crossed over?
I asked for answers from the Universe one way or the other. Sent it out! Knowing some how, some where the answers would come. Believing he had passed I expected to here verification of that. I finished my drive home and did not really think about it anymore.
I was excited about vacation, not that I was going anywhere, just for a whole week off. Catch up on things sell my eBay and Etsy try to do some writing and sorting out what to sell and what to save for the move coming.
Excited and apprehensive all at the same time. I knew in my heart it was time for a move I just liked my job a lot and hated to think about leaving it. I did look for a store on the way to transfer to. Thinking that was the way to go, just follow the transfers across the country. Sightseeing along the way, cure two pleasures at once. Keep my job which I really love and move around at the same time. Since I am basically a loner it was exciting. Just me and my cats off on the adventures of a life time. I am not sure they would think the same way though.
But then!!! The universe stepped in and gave me the answer I was not expecting in a most unexpected way.
Surprised? The biggest understatement of a lifetime. I sat and contemplated what to do next.
Not sure I wanted the answers! Not sure if I could ignore the answer!
Boy was I afraid, more like petrified to know for sure.
The Universe in it's funny way sends messages in different ways, this one came by the way of a Facebook message.
A message from his sister-in-law looking for me. Irony in that is we went to high school together and she 'wanted to reconnect', not sure I was up to that I waited almost seven days to answer her.
Partly fear, partly excited anticipation.
But in reality, in my heart, in my core I know what it was and had to laugh.
I had just made a conscious effort to move forward in my life and CRASH, BOOM, BAM! The Universe laughed and changed that.
Stay tuned for the next part......................................
Delilah has callers calling with these love stories which usually melt my heart. This night there was a man calling, a voice full of love and emotion, catching my attention. He had been "reconnected" to a woman from his past, some thirty years from his past. I was able to hear the tears in his voice. He was so exceptionally happy and his voice told the story. They had dated while very young and for some reason had gone separate ways. He really did not know why and had thought about her for all those years. One day they happen to cross paths and the rest is history. They found they still loved each other, married and have been living incredibly happy since.
My mind wondered to the man I had dated in my early twenties and as I was fifty-six now thought if we would be that lucky. Over the years I had often thought about him and wondered how he was, was he happy, did he have a family? He was a wonderful man, exceptional human being, and I had cared for him immensely, yes and still did. It was at times like that I realized how much I still did care for him and missed him. I had not allowed myself to go back to those intense feelings, EVER.
I had tried to look him up when I moved back to my home town. When I mentioned it to my mother she had heard he was shot while on duty as a police officer, and had passed away. I looked on the Internet for something, nothing. I often started to the police station he worked at but always stopped myself, partly for fear he was actually gone and partly for fear he was happily married. Not that I would have been unhappy for him but more sad for myself. All I ever wanted since we had lost touch was for him to be happy, he was well deserving.
So as I listened to the story on the radio melancholy set in and my mind wondered to thoughts of him and how nice it would be if he was alive and came back into my life. Would we, or could we pick up right where we left off? Was there a possibility he was alive and single? Believing as I do in "the other side" and being able to hear from people who have crossed over, I thought 'are you looking down on me?' Do you see me here thinking about you? Have you met up with all the others I know who crossed over?
I asked for answers from the Universe one way or the other. Sent it out! Knowing some how, some where the answers would come. Believing he had passed I expected to here verification of that. I finished my drive home and did not really think about it anymore.
I was excited about vacation, not that I was going anywhere, just for a whole week off. Catch up on things sell my eBay and Etsy try to do some writing and sorting out what to sell and what to save for the move coming.
Excited and apprehensive all at the same time. I knew in my heart it was time for a move I just liked my job a lot and hated to think about leaving it. I did look for a store on the way to transfer to. Thinking that was the way to go, just follow the transfers across the country. Sightseeing along the way, cure two pleasures at once. Keep my job which I really love and move around at the same time. Since I am basically a loner it was exciting. Just me and my cats off on the adventures of a life time. I am not sure they would think the same way though.
But then!!! The universe stepped in and gave me the answer I was not expecting in a most unexpected way.
Surprised? The biggest understatement of a lifetime. I sat and contemplated what to do next.
Not sure I wanted the answers! Not sure if I could ignore the answer!
Boy was I afraid, more like petrified to know for sure.
The Universe in it's funny way sends messages in different ways, this one came by the way of a Facebook message.
A message from his sister-in-law looking for me. Irony in that is we went to high school together and she 'wanted to reconnect', not sure I was up to that I waited almost seven days to answer her.
Partly fear, partly excited anticipation.
But in reality, in my heart, in my core I know what it was and had to laugh.
I had just made a conscious effort to move forward in my life and CRASH, BOOM, BAM! The Universe laughed and changed that.
Stay tuned for the next part......................................
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Surprises happen all the time.
Just when I am about to give up and think I am wrong in the things I believe in, a wonderful surprise comes along. I guess it is about the control thing. I have to remind myself all the time to give up the control and let things happen. I have read all the articles about 'going with the flow' and try, really try, but it is not as easy as it sounds.
I know deep in my heart when the time is right what is really best for me will come to me, maybe not how I think or how I imagined it to be, but it will appear.
I hope I am wide awake enough to realize it, and not so lost in what I think I want where I miss it!
I hope I am fearless enough to grab at it, and follow it, with out any conditions.
I hope I am able to catch the wing and fly off to the calling of my soul.
I did receive a couple surprises this past Sunday that there are people watching over me.
The first was when I was thinking about my mom and how a few days before she passed I came up with the idea of her sending me peacock feathers, just because they are so rare and at the time there wasn't much out there with them on. Now since she crossed over they have seemed to become very popular and are everywhere. Back to Sunday I was at work thinking how great it wold be if a peacock feather came to me and let me know I was on the right track with my plans. Odd as this sounds, a customer brought me a large picture of a peacock with very long tail feathers. I know the skeptics will all say that it was a coincidence, but if you know me I know there are no coincidences in this world! Never! Everything has a reason, and not all things are a message, but some times there is a very important message in them. We need to be able to decipher those messages.
The second thing, or sign if you will, we were experiencing a simple summer shower and I thought it was going to produce a rainbow, it did not and I looked. Later I was walking out front to check out the cart situation and low and behold there was a rainbow, unexpected. As I stood there it became brighter and brighter, almost causing a double. How exciting that was since I had just asked for it.
I wonder if they both were signs from my parents that everything is going to be ok and they are watching over me every day and when possible and for my own good they give me what I want still from the other side?
Guess I will have to wait for those answers until I get there with them.
please visit my eBay http://myworld.ebay.com/spovio and Etsy https://www.etsy.com/shop/Suestreasures2012 sites and don't forget all are for sale.
I know deep in my heart when the time is right what is really best for me will come to me, maybe not how I think or how I imagined it to be, but it will appear.
I hope I am wide awake enough to realize it, and not so lost in what I think I want where I miss it!
I hope I am fearless enough to grab at it, and follow it, with out any conditions.
I hope I am able to catch the wing and fly off to the calling of my soul.
I did receive a couple surprises this past Sunday that there are people watching over me.
The first was when I was thinking about my mom and how a few days before she passed I came up with the idea of her sending me peacock feathers, just because they are so rare and at the time there wasn't much out there with them on. Now since she crossed over they have seemed to become very popular and are everywhere. Back to Sunday I was at work thinking how great it wold be if a peacock feather came to me and let me know I was on the right track with my plans. Odd as this sounds, a customer brought me a large picture of a peacock with very long tail feathers. I know the skeptics will all say that it was a coincidence, but if you know me I know there are no coincidences in this world! Never! Everything has a reason, and not all things are a message, but some times there is a very important message in them. We need to be able to decipher those messages.
The second thing, or sign if you will, we were experiencing a simple summer shower and I thought it was going to produce a rainbow, it did not and I looked. Later I was walking out front to check out the cart situation and low and behold there was a rainbow, unexpected. As I stood there it became brighter and brighter, almost causing a double. How exciting that was since I had just asked for it.
I wonder if they both were signs from my parents that everything is going to be ok and they are watching over me every day and when possible and for my own good they give me what I want still from the other side?
Guess I will have to wait for those answers until I get there with them.
please visit my eBay http://myworld.ebay.com/spovio and Etsy https://www.etsy.com/shop/Suestreasures2012 sites and don't forget all are for sale.
Monday, June 10, 2013
Being in the right place at the right time
A little email from one of my most favorite sites Totally Unique Thoughts http://www.tut.com
I have subscribed to the site for almost ten years now and get daily emails from them. When I feel really out of touch I read them and remember who is really in charge.
Being in the right place at the right time, Susan, isn't something you can force.
It just happens when you keep busy. Effortlessly.
Imagine that,
The Universe
No, really! Imagine that, Susan! And then get busy, because AMAZING awaits!
As I sit and think about what I really want, becoming very introspect I realize there is no one I have to ask permission from, no one I have to consult, and no one I have to wait to see if they want to do 'it' also.
I realize if I want to move I can, if I want to stay I can, and if I want to move all the way across the country I can!!
What a beautiful feeling. So now the fear I have had about being alone is going away and excitement is taking over. The entire country is open to me and I can go anywhere in I want.
A few of my thoughts have been to the midwest, the west coast of Oregon or Washington State. My ultimate goal will be to end up in Alaska. I have always wanted to live in Alaska for as long as I can remember. Funny, since I am always cold in New Jersey and wear long johns, actually cuddle duds, girly long johns, all year except for a few weeks in August. But then I wore jeans in Florida, alot.
My fasination with Alaska started with watching about Eskimo's and their way of life. So simple, not easy but simple. They hold on to their traditions and pass them on to the new generations even with the new world coming in.
Now with all the new shows on television about Alaska the allure is getting stronger but, I think it takes a special kind of person to live in the extremes of the Northern Slope, no, I don't want to live in the cities of Alaska. One of the new shows has a remote camp and it looks like I want to find one just like it, or uniquely similar. I can honestly say it looks exciting and I plan on visiting there with in the next year. I want to see Barrow, Alaska also, the northern most point. I have been to the southern most point in Key West, Florida, lived in Marathon which is about an hour drive away and loved it. Circumstances moved me from there, which in the end was the correct path to be on, I realize that now and that part of my journey ended with me learning alot as usual. We learn on all legs of our journey.
The tools I learned there will help me to move on to the next phase. I learned we don't really need 'stuff' to be happy. As I lay on the floor devistated, I realized stuff was just stuff! It is the people in our lives that matter and all the things we amass are worthless, it is the people we meet and travel with for different lengths of time that matter, even to me, the ultimate loner.
I believe we all travel through each others lives for centuries in different lives and true souls that are matched find each other in different physical bodies over eons of time. I also believe people can know each other even if they have not met. On some level of our soul we know we are on the same wave length even if we are not on the same page in this life.
Please don't forget about my other blog http://suesladybugjewelry.blogspot.com/ and as always
Etsy https://www.etsy.com/shop/Suestreasures2012 and eBay http://myworld.ebay.com/spovio
Enjoy this leg of any journey you are on remember it is wonderful.
I have subscribed to the site for almost ten years now and get daily emails from them. When I feel really out of touch I read them and remember who is really in charge.
Being in the right place at the right time, Susan, isn't something you can force.
It just happens when you keep busy. Effortlessly.
Imagine that,
The Universe
No, really! Imagine that, Susan! And then get busy, because AMAZING awaits!
As I sit and think about what I really want, becoming very introspect I realize there is no one I have to ask permission from, no one I have to consult, and no one I have to wait to see if they want to do 'it' also.
I realize if I want to move I can, if I want to stay I can, and if I want to move all the way across the country I can!!
What a beautiful feeling. So now the fear I have had about being alone is going away and excitement is taking over. The entire country is open to me and I can go anywhere in I want.
A few of my thoughts have been to the midwest, the west coast of Oregon or Washington State. My ultimate goal will be to end up in Alaska. I have always wanted to live in Alaska for as long as I can remember. Funny, since I am always cold in New Jersey and wear long johns, actually cuddle duds, girly long johns, all year except for a few weeks in August. But then I wore jeans in Florida, alot.
My fasination with Alaska started with watching about Eskimo's and their way of life. So simple, not easy but simple. They hold on to their traditions and pass them on to the new generations even with the new world coming in.
Now with all the new shows on television about Alaska the allure is getting stronger but, I think it takes a special kind of person to live in the extremes of the Northern Slope, no, I don't want to live in the cities of Alaska. One of the new shows has a remote camp and it looks like I want to find one just like it, or uniquely similar. I can honestly say it looks exciting and I plan on visiting there with in the next year. I want to see Barrow, Alaska also, the northern most point. I have been to the southern most point in Key West, Florida, lived in Marathon which is about an hour drive away and loved it. Circumstances moved me from there, which in the end was the correct path to be on, I realize that now and that part of my journey ended with me learning alot as usual. We learn on all legs of our journey.
The tools I learned there will help me to move on to the next phase. I learned we don't really need 'stuff' to be happy. As I lay on the floor devistated, I realized stuff was just stuff! It is the people in our lives that matter and all the things we amass are worthless, it is the people we meet and travel with for different lengths of time that matter, even to me, the ultimate loner.
I believe we all travel through each others lives for centuries in different lives and true souls that are matched find each other in different physical bodies over eons of time. I also believe people can know each other even if they have not met. On some level of our soul we know we are on the same wave length even if we are not on the same page in this life.
Please don't forget about my other blog http://suesladybugjewelry.blogspot.com/ and as always
Etsy https://www.etsy.com/shop/Suestreasures2012 and eBay http://myworld.ebay.com/spovio
Enjoy this leg of any journey you are on remember it is wonderful.
Sunday, June 9, 2013
The next leg of this journey
I sit here and wonder what the next leg of this journey will be. It seems that God always puts me where I need to be, either for my growth or for someone I need to support through a tough situation. I, as I have aged know it could only be for a very short time, or could be for years. I never know how long each part of the journey will be. What I do know is that is always a learning experience.
This past year and a half has been a very large transition and learning period. I have learned what I need and what I do not need.
I have been sorting out what I want and what I think is expected of me, which are two very different things. I am a very simple person and do not like or need a lot of pretenses. I don't need to keep up with anyone else. I am very happy with a simple life. I joined match.com and eharmony.com thinking I wanted to find another person to share with. What a joke. For the past two weeks since I signed up I have looked at hundreds of pictures and realized I do not like people because of their looks, and only those who really know me know this. I look at eyes and there is where I find the connection. It always seems as if I can look into their sould and feel the connection. Most of the time I do not see the outside of the person I see the inside, the heart and the soul, and that is how I decide who will be in my life.
I am glad I have these qualities and cherish them everyday. To me it does not matter if they are male or female, because if we take the vehicle we call a body or male/female away we are all the same. Like a car or a house it just houses the greatest part of anyone. We need the physical manisfestation to be able to travel the journey, as we need transportation to get from point a to point b in the physical world.
As much as I know I have no control over the next part of the journey, in the same way I want to know what it will be and where it will take me.
I know I do not need to prepare for it because I will be provided with everything I will need to complete the leg. The trip is usually a need to know and some, no, maybe most of the time I never know even in hindsight the answers are not always clear.
I do know there is a reason for everything and everyone who passes through our lives when they do. I believe if we meditate and sit in the stillness we can get a vague image of it.
I started this blog when my mom passed basically to make much needed money but, that has not worked out as planned. Now it has become a way of trying to figure out this life or to maybe just help someone else understand ultimately we do not have control. We are able to stunt the growth or to pospone the ultimate reason we are here, however we are and will have to complete the reason we are here.
Please visit my other blog sites http://suesladybugjewelry.blogspot.com/, my ebay http://myworld.ebay.com/spovio or etsy https://www.etsy.com/shop/Suestreasures2012 site. I sell jewelry on those sites. If you feel the need to contact me my email address is suep2004@comcast.net . Looking forward to hearing from someone.
This past year and a half has been a very large transition and learning period. I have learned what I need and what I do not need.
I have been sorting out what I want and what I think is expected of me, which are two very different things. I am a very simple person and do not like or need a lot of pretenses. I don't need to keep up with anyone else. I am very happy with a simple life. I joined match.com and eharmony.com thinking I wanted to find another person to share with. What a joke. For the past two weeks since I signed up I have looked at hundreds of pictures and realized I do not like people because of their looks, and only those who really know me know this. I look at eyes and there is where I find the connection. It always seems as if I can look into their sould and feel the connection. Most of the time I do not see the outside of the person I see the inside, the heart and the soul, and that is how I decide who will be in my life.
I am glad I have these qualities and cherish them everyday. To me it does not matter if they are male or female, because if we take the vehicle we call a body or male/female away we are all the same. Like a car or a house it just houses the greatest part of anyone. We need the physical manisfestation to be able to travel the journey, as we need transportation to get from point a to point b in the physical world.
As much as I know I have no control over the next part of the journey, in the same way I want to know what it will be and where it will take me.
I know I do not need to prepare for it because I will be provided with everything I will need to complete the leg. The trip is usually a need to know and some, no, maybe most of the time I never know even in hindsight the answers are not always clear.
I do know there is a reason for everything and everyone who passes through our lives when they do. I believe if we meditate and sit in the stillness we can get a vague image of it.
I started this blog when my mom passed basically to make much needed money but, that has not worked out as planned. Now it has become a way of trying to figure out this life or to maybe just help someone else understand ultimately we do not have control. We are able to stunt the growth or to pospone the ultimate reason we are here, however we are and will have to complete the reason we are here.
Please visit my other blog sites http://suesladybugjewelry.blogspot.com/, my ebay http://myworld.ebay.com/spovio or etsy https://www.etsy.com/shop/Suestreasures2012 site. I sell jewelry on those sites. If you feel the need to contact me my email address is suep2004@comcast.net . Looking forward to hearing from someone.
Sunday, June 2, 2013
A new part of the Journey, my little shops
I have decided to link, as part of this new leg of my journey, all items I have listen on eBay and Etsy, except my hand made jewelry. The jewelry has it's own blog called, Sue's lady bug jewelry, follow this link, http://suesladybugjewelry.blogspot.com to see all the fashionable, fun, and meaningful pieces. There are earrings, necklaces, and many, many bracelets. I have sold alot of pieces and get rave reviews on all that have sold.
On to the other items.
I have collectables listed and have added a sampling of them here with the description. I hope you enjoy your visit through my little shops and in the end I am hoping these things are purchased and enjoyed by someone.
Hummel Plates
These plates were part of my grandmother's collection which she kept in a china closet and always enjoyed looking at them. We, my siblings and I really do not want them. Since the passing of my mom I have had them listed on eBay and Etsy for sale at different times. I can remember as a child looking at them and not allowed to touch them. Follow the links and peruse the items. Look for additional post for the other items.
https://www.etsy.com/listing/117517051
https://www.etsy.com/listing/117443508
I have the bells to match on my Etsy site. They, also, are all in excellent and come with the original.
No cracks or chips.
I decided to do a different post for each type of collectable instead of attempting to put them all in one. I wanted to keep the post managable to read.
On to the other items.
I have collectables listed and have added a sampling of them here with the description. I hope you enjoy your visit through my little shops and in the end I am hoping these things are purchased and enjoyed by someone.
Hummel Plates
These plates were part of my grandmother's collection which she kept in a china closet and always enjoyed looking at them. We, my siblings and I really do not want them. Since the passing of my mom I have had them listed on eBay and Etsy for sale at different times. I can remember as a child looking at them and not allowed to touch them. Follow the links and peruse the items. Look for additional post for the other items.
1973 Annual plate M J Hummel
M.J. Hummel 1975 Annual collector plate with box
http://www.ebay.com/itm/121115039418https://www.etsy.com/listing/117517051
M.J. Hummel 1976 Plate with Box
http://www.ebay.com/itm/121115562570https://www.etsy.com/listing/117443508
1979 Annual Hummel Plate
These are just a few of the plates listed. There are other years available on my eBay site.
These plates are sold elsewhere anywhere from $35.00 to $150.00.I have the bells to match on my Etsy site. They, also, are all in excellent and come with the original.
No cracks or chips.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Mother's Day
With Mother's day fast approaching I am reminded of my Mom more than usual. If I could tell any one one word of advice about their moms it would be,
'make your peace with her this year. Tell her how much you love her. No matter what the relationship is or has been, tell her you love her and thank her for bringing you into the world. Always remember how much she loved you when you were born.'
My mother and I had a very strained relationship from my teen years on. We did not always agree on things, and for the most part were never close through my adulthood. One reason was distance, I always lived at least ninety minutes away from her and the traveling to visit always was pushed back because it seemed there were more important things to do. I can say I am sorry I did not make more of an effort to visit her. And on this mother's day I wonder how different our relationship would have been had I made more of an effort.
Years later by a twist of fate I was forced to move back into her home. I planned to only be here long enough to gather my 'bearings' and regroup. Get it together and figure out where I wanted to live next. I was waiting for fate to take over and put me where I was supposed to be at the time. The universe always put me where I was to do the most good and I knew that. I was just a little perplexed at that point, my Mom never needed anything. She was always so strong and self sufficient. She had this air of self confidence and I always thought she was not afraid of anything, she could do anything. For my entire life I always felt like I never measured up to her. We had a very strained beginning of the roommate phase of our life.
When I first came back I was very defensive and scared. Hurt and feeling like a failure. My confidence shattered. I knew the Universe put me here for a reason and I wanted to know it. I did not want to wait and let the scenario play out. Funny how the Universe has it's own plans! I ended up here for way longer than the six months I had planned. Then sometime in the years I learned the Universe did have a plan, and it was I was supposed to be here with her. Funny, I would have never come here willingly. It took me having no where else to go to be here with her and then for her, until the end. Me being here allowed her to stay home and pass in her own home.
As anyone who believes that there is a 'grand plan' at work in the 'Universal order' can understand what I mean right now. Hindsight being twenty-twenty is a great thing, but as we go through it without the luxury of 'it', seeing 'it' we can only know much later the reasons. Now looking back it was for us to heal our relationship and to be able to move forward.
I learned so much in the years spent here with my mother. My mom also learned alot about me also. I longed for her to accept me for what I am, and finally at the end of her life I think she did. I wanted her to be proud of me and to know I am really a great person. I still seek her approval in life, even with her gone. I still long for the peace it would give me if I knew she thought I am a great person with a big heart and a kind of selflessness to help everyone and everything. I think at some point she started to see how big my heart is. We would go past a dead animal and I would ask, even in my forties, did she think that animals know that one of their own was killed and would the rest of the 'family' miss it? My mom always laughed at that question. She never understood how my mind worked but I would like to think she was proud of me. Still to this day I do not know if she was proud of me or if I still did not measure up to what she wanted in a daughter?
So this Mother's Day make the peace while you can and don't spend the rest of your life wondering.
Call her or visit, do something to put all the not knowing behind you.
'make your peace with her this year. Tell her how much you love her. No matter what the relationship is or has been, tell her you love her and thank her for bringing you into the world. Always remember how much she loved you when you were born.'
My mother and I had a very strained relationship from my teen years on. We did not always agree on things, and for the most part were never close through my adulthood. One reason was distance, I always lived at least ninety minutes away from her and the traveling to visit always was pushed back because it seemed there were more important things to do. I can say I am sorry I did not make more of an effort to visit her. And on this mother's day I wonder how different our relationship would have been had I made more of an effort.
Years later by a twist of fate I was forced to move back into her home. I planned to only be here long enough to gather my 'bearings' and regroup. Get it together and figure out where I wanted to live next. I was waiting for fate to take over and put me where I was supposed to be at the time. The universe always put me where I was to do the most good and I knew that. I was just a little perplexed at that point, my Mom never needed anything. She was always so strong and self sufficient. She had this air of self confidence and I always thought she was not afraid of anything, she could do anything. For my entire life I always felt like I never measured up to her. We had a very strained beginning of the roommate phase of our life.
When I first came back I was very defensive and scared. Hurt and feeling like a failure. My confidence shattered. I knew the Universe put me here for a reason and I wanted to know it. I did not want to wait and let the scenario play out. Funny how the Universe has it's own plans! I ended up here for way longer than the six months I had planned. Then sometime in the years I learned the Universe did have a plan, and it was I was supposed to be here with her. Funny, I would have never come here willingly. It took me having no where else to go to be here with her and then for her, until the end. Me being here allowed her to stay home and pass in her own home.
As anyone who believes that there is a 'grand plan' at work in the 'Universal order' can understand what I mean right now. Hindsight being twenty-twenty is a great thing, but as we go through it without the luxury of 'it', seeing 'it' we can only know much later the reasons. Now looking back it was for us to heal our relationship and to be able to move forward.
I learned so much in the years spent here with my mother. My mom also learned alot about me also. I longed for her to accept me for what I am, and finally at the end of her life I think she did. I wanted her to be proud of me and to know I am really a great person. I still seek her approval in life, even with her gone. I still long for the peace it would give me if I knew she thought I am a great person with a big heart and a kind of selflessness to help everyone and everything. I think at some point she started to see how big my heart is. We would go past a dead animal and I would ask, even in my forties, did she think that animals know that one of their own was killed and would the rest of the 'family' miss it? My mom always laughed at that question. She never understood how my mind worked but I would like to think she was proud of me. Still to this day I do not know if she was proud of me or if I still did not measure up to what she wanted in a daughter?
So this Mother's Day make the peace while you can and don't spend the rest of your life wondering.
Call her or visit, do something to put all the not knowing behind you.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
The Purple Mug
To anyone else it is just a $3.99 purple and green coffee mug however, to me it is the merging of two phases of my life. Purple and green, my two favorite colors in the same mug. I have always like purple and the green which no one would ever put together, fascinates me. It reminds me of so much. Mardi Gras, the motel across the street from us in Marathon Florida, the slot machines in the casino and the very, very different phases of my life.
I have used the same coca cola mug for ten years. I brought it with me when I moved back, it always represented the life I had just left and thought I wanted to go back to. So for the past ten years I have been really stuck, can't go back but can't move forward. So stuck in limbo is where I have spent the last ten years, floundering with no direction, no specific ways to go but one foot in front of the other.
I have been looking for a new mug but I guess I wasn't really ready to mesh all the parts of my life. This purple and green coffee mug starts a very exciting new phase of my life.
So to me it is not JUST a mug, but a whole new life for me.
The purple and green mug looks happy, if a mug could be considered 'happy looking' it looks happy. It reminds me to look forward with excited anticipation. To always see the happy in every situation. It is a daily reminder of how far I have come and how much I have to look forward to in this new life.
The 'mug' is my constant reminder how each new day is just that a new day to start on the journey. We may slip and slide back into our old roles. We are always more comfortable in the old because we know it.
Walking forward into the unknown is scary and sometimes terrifying but still we must do it. For, if we do not we become stuck in the roles that have been known and comfortable to us. In that case we do not grow. When I say grow it does not mean age it means just that grow.
Grow into what and where we are supposed to be when we are supposed to be there.
So after writing this I know that it is not any ordinary 'mug' I bought last week. It is the future! It is the beginning of a new growth period for me.
So that happy looking 'purple and green mug' is so much more than just a vat for coffee or tea.
It is my everyday reminder to look forward to the future with excitement and happiness.
It is an everyday reminder that the future holds so much more and all I have to do is to take the first step off the platform and trust there is a new life there for me.
I have used the same coca cola mug for ten years. I brought it with me when I moved back, it always represented the life I had just left and thought I wanted to go back to. So for the past ten years I have been really stuck, can't go back but can't move forward. So stuck in limbo is where I have spent the last ten years, floundering with no direction, no specific ways to go but one foot in front of the other.
I have been looking for a new mug but I guess I wasn't really ready to mesh all the parts of my life. This purple and green coffee mug starts a very exciting new phase of my life.
So to me it is not JUST a mug, but a whole new life for me.
The purple and green mug looks happy, if a mug could be considered 'happy looking' it looks happy. It reminds me to look forward with excited anticipation. To always see the happy in every situation. It is a daily reminder of how far I have come and how much I have to look forward to in this new life.
The 'mug' is my constant reminder how each new day is just that a new day to start on the journey. We may slip and slide back into our old roles. We are always more comfortable in the old because we know it.
Walking forward into the unknown is scary and sometimes terrifying but still we must do it. For, if we do not we become stuck in the roles that have been known and comfortable to us. In that case we do not grow. When I say grow it does not mean age it means just that grow.
Grow into what and where we are supposed to be when we are supposed to be there.
So after writing this I know that it is not any ordinary 'mug' I bought last week. It is the future! It is the beginning of a new growth period for me.
So that happy looking 'purple and green mug' is so much more than just a vat for coffee or tea.
It is my everyday reminder to look forward to the future with excitement and happiness.
It is an everyday reminder that the future holds so much more and all I have to do is to take the first step off the platform and trust there is a new life there for me.
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