Just when all is planned, CRASH BOOM BAM

Driving home from work one night about a month ago listening to Delilah on the radio, feeling really sad and excited with the fact that I was going to build a life for myself.  I did think how nice it would be to have someone to share it with however, it was not a requirement. Actually kind of excited with the idea I had no one to answer to, no one to think about if I wanted to move to another state, and was contemplating a big move to the state of Alaska.  Looked like a fun place to go and was putting the plans in motion.

Delilah has callers calling with these love stories which usually melt my heart. This night there was a man calling, a voice full of love and emotion, catching my attention.  He had been "reconnected" to a woman from his past, some thirty years from his past. I was able to hear the tears in his voice. He was so exceptionally happy and his voice told the story.  They had dated while very young and for some reason had gone separate ways.  He really did not know why and had thought about her for all those years. One day they happen to cross paths and the rest is history.  They found they still loved each other, married and have been living incredibly happy since.
My mind wondered to the man I had dated in my early twenties and as I was fifty-six now thought if we would be that lucky.  Over the years I had often thought about him and wondered how he was, was he happy, did he have a family?  He was a wonderful man, exceptional human being, and I had cared for him immensely, yes and still did. It was at times like that I realized how much I still did care for him and missed him. I had not allowed myself to go back to those intense feelings, EVER.
I had tried to look him up when I moved back to my home town. When I mentioned it to my mother she had heard he was shot while on duty as a police officer, and had passed away.  I looked on the Internet for something, nothing.  I often started to the police station he worked at but always stopped myself, partly for fear he was actually gone and partly for fear he was happily married.  Not that I would have been unhappy for him but more sad for myself. All I ever wanted since we had lost touch was for him to be happy, he was well deserving.
So as I listened to the story on the radio melancholy set in and my mind wondered to thoughts of him and how nice it would be if he was alive and came back into my life. Would we, or could we pick up right where we left off? Was there a possibility he was alive and single? Believing as I do in "the other side" and being able to hear from people who have crossed over, I thought 'are you looking down on me?' Do you see me here thinking about you?  Have you met up with all the others I know who crossed over?
 I asked for answers from the Universe one way or the other.  Sent it out!  Knowing some how, some where the answers would come. Believing he had passed I expected to here verification of that. I finished my drive home and did not really think about it anymore.

I was excited about vacation, not that I was going anywhere, just for a whole week off. Catch up on things sell my eBay and Etsy try to do some writing and sorting out what to sell and what to save for the move coming.
Excited and apprehensive all at the same time. I knew in my heart it was time for a move I just liked my job a lot and hated to think about leaving it. I did look for a store on the way to transfer to. Thinking that was the way to go, just follow the transfers across the country.  Sightseeing along the way, cure two pleasures at once.  Keep my job which I really love and move around at the same time.  Since I am basically a loner it was exciting.  Just me and my cats off on the adventures of a life time. I am not sure they would think the same way though.
But then!!! The universe stepped in and gave me the answer I was not expecting in a most unexpected way.
Surprised? The biggest understatement of a lifetime. I sat and contemplated what to do next.
Not sure I wanted the answers! Not sure if I could ignore the answer!
Boy was I afraid, more like petrified to know for sure.
The Universe in it's funny way sends messages in different ways, this one came by the way of a Facebook message.
A message from his sister-in-law looking for me. Irony in that is we went to high school together and she 'wanted to reconnect', not sure I was up to that I waited almost seven days to answer her.
Partly fear, partly excited anticipation.
But in reality, in my heart, in my core I know what it was and had to laugh.
I had just made a conscious effort to move forward in my life and CRASH, BOOM, BAM! The Universe laughed and changed that.
Stay tuned for the next part......................................

Another inspiring quote from one of my favorite web sites, http://www.tut.com/  I am always inspired from this site. The quote which follows was in my email today, just when I needed to believe in my dreams.

Having a dream, Susan, is awesome.

Having a dream and showing up every day, even when nothing seems to be happening, is priceless.

But having a dream and showing up every day, while sauntering, winking, and hugging everyone, is when the floodgates begin to tremble.

Hugs,
    The Universe

Sitting here watching the Titanic for the thousand time and knowing I have to follow my dreams and follow my heart, where that will take me I have no idea.  I have always followed the wind as it blew and it has always 'blew' me in the correct path.
I have, in the past few weeks, been thinking about what I really want, and am still not really sure.  I do know that part of me feels so very stuck, stuck in a place which has no soul around it.  I would like to live in a place of serenity.  Serenity is not necessarily about money or things, it is more about the beauty in everything around you.  How many can actually appreciate the beauty of the world around us.
I have lived in some of the most beautiful places and have a dream of moving to another beautiful place.
Maybe Alaska is not right for the now, but I have always had the dream to live there.  Just when I was ready to think it will be a dream unfulfilled I receive this message in my inbox this morning. 
This message reminds me to keep the dream alive and follow it. 
To do one thing everyday to keep the dream alive in my heart.  To remember all dreams are possible.
I do know I am not ready to give up on my dream yet, no matter how impossible it seems right now.
I would love to find someone who understands the longing in my heart and soul, and the wanderlust I feel every day, but that is not necessary for the dream, my dream.
This dream will not happen over night or maybe not even in the next six months, I am not totally insane and know the reality of it all. 
I do know I do not need things to be happy, I understand we need certain things like money to be able to live, but do not need it to be happy. Some of my happiest times in life was when I was picking clams and muscles off the beach for dinner, and I hate the taste of both, we just mixed with pasta and sauce covered the taste some.  For the past year I have been living to survive not to live. I have gotten so lost in the ideas everyone else thought I should be I almost lost me.
I decided to write these blogs for the money but, that has not worked out and now they have turned into blogs of inspiration. Inspiration which I hope inspires who ever reads them, if anyone actually does.  The longing in my soul makes want to write, about anything, does not matter what I just need to write.  I prefer longhand but this is easier and able to reach a wider audience!
As always follow my ebay http://myworld.ebay.com/spovio and etsy https://www.etsy.com/shop/Suestreasures2012 sites and look about I have a lot of jewelry for sale which I have made and wish to sell.