Living alone

Right now I am realizing, like an epiphany, I am a loner!  I like being alone to follow the beat of my own drum.  I am, for the most part the happiest I have ever been, I have a job I love, I am able to follow whatever thought which pops into my head. 
Like writing these blogs. 
I love the creativity I am allowed to write in them.  I only hope someone reads them and is able to find inspiration in them.  This blog which I am actually looking for a new title since 'starting over again' really does not encompass the scope of it.  It needs a title which is catchy and interesting.  It really has no theme except for the 'no theme' of it.  I usually just blog about a single thought which pops into my head.  Today's thought is about the peacefulness of being alone but not lonely.
I love ALONE! 
I love waking up and having no one to answer to, since this is the first time I have been on my own for any more than a few months, I find I really love it.  I love not having to please anyone else, not having to answer to anyone but myself, and not having any decisions made for me.   I can eat what and when I want  Right now it is almost a year and I am just starting to get into a routine of discipline to accomplish all I want to accomplish now. The down side is I have no one to blame for any of my mistakes.
 I am really busy right now.  I have three blogs http://suesladybugjewelry.blogspot.com , http://gamblinggirl.blogspot.com/, two web pages,
I have a store on Etsy http://www.etsy.com/shop/Suestreasures2012?ref=si and all my listings on eBay http://www.ebay.com/sch/spovio/m.html?item=121035952738&ssPageName=STRK%3AMESELX%3AIT&rt=nc&_trksid=p2047675.l2562.  AND I still work full time. I guess one of the things I am finding out about myself is I like being busy and at the same time I do not like anyone I see every day to really know how busy I am.  I don't, for the most part tell anyone about these writings I do.  I talk about them but I do not elaborate on them.  The insecurity of thinking I do not write enjoyable enough for anyone to really like these makes me keep quiet about them.  I enjoy writing and posting and hope someone reads them and finds some type of inspiration in them, but the fear of ridicule stops me from promoting my writings.  Silly as it sounds, I am sure there are alot of people who have the same fears and insecurities.  What am learning as I get older is to not take it all so serious and just to have fun with life.
I am trying to find a catchy name for this blog so it reaches more people. Any suggestions? 

I AM Doing it!

I am making it! 
This is the longest time I have lived alone, the longest time I have had to pay my own bills! And I, me alone, am doing it. In the past someone else always paid the bills, or in the case with my mom she put the bills on the computer and I paid what she told me to, I did not really have a clue to any of it.  Yeah she tried to teach me and I would pretend to listen.  I had a general idea but, no actual knowledge to budget and be prepared for a bill bigger than my paycheck.  Now I am happy to say I am learning all of that.  Difficult yes, complicated yes, but not undo able.
I am also making more bracelets some are selling which is exciting and can be seen at my other blog site. Follow the like:  http://suesladybugjewelry.blogspot.com   which has links to my eBay listings.  Or on Etsy follow the link: http://www.etsy.com/shop/Suestreasures2012  Visit the sites and look around, on the Etsy site there is a button if a custom item is desired or you can email me at suep2004@comcast.net with any questions.
I am doing what I always wanted to do.  I am creating something which I hope make people feel good.  I now have an idea to create 'beat the habit' bracelets or a type of prayer bead to inspire a break the addiction or habit of anything.  They are going to encompass the same idea of the cancer awareness bracelets.  The colors will belong to or represent a habit or addiction the user wants to break.  Stay tuned to the blog http://suesladybugjewelry.blogspot.com  for the products.
I at this point in my life excited about how I am doing.  I do have to say that the law of attraction is at play here.  I ask or wish if you want, for an idea to create something unique and it comes at the craziest times. I try to carry a piece of paper and writing instrument with me so I do not forget the idea. Sometimes I use my hand, the notepad I am never without, I do not recommend it to anyone but it works for me.
This is for anyone who thinks they cannot do it on their own phooey! I am and for anyone who said I could not. I am proving them wrong, I am making it.  I am happier now than any point in my life.  I do not have to depend on anyone but myself.  How much better can it get than that?
Stay tuned for the new line of products coming soon and they will be listed and pictures on my blog Sue's Lady Bug Jewelry.  Which is the name I picked out five years ago when I started, talk about the 'Law of Attraction'   I thought it, I worked at it even when there was no reason to believe it would come true.  The key here is I believed it.  I continued to believe, and still believe it will be bigger than I can imagine.  My future is bright because I believe it will be.  And the idea of believing gives the way to creating anything.  I am proof. 
So this post is about the idea of I AM doing exactly what I want to do, what makes my heart and soul feel great.  I hope anyone reading this does not give up on their dreams and is so naive they do not know they can fail.  My biggest inspiration is my son, ironically he and his wife are never afraid to fail. They have dreams and ideas which sound so silly to me and I am sorry to say, I tell him so.  Thankfully it does not stop them they keep believing and they create their dreams.  Hats off to my son and his wife for being my inspiration even if they do not know it.  I love them both.

The Lure of the Ocean

In the wake of this storm I finally figured out what was missing in my life. 
The ocean. The sound of the waves hitting the beach.  The quiet of the off season at the beach. The Nor'easterns and the wind, and yes even the hurricanes.  My need for the beach has been amplified through this trying time for the beaches along the eastern coast. 

I look at it now as a calling for me to be close to the water.  Ironically in the devastation brought about in this storm I can say it has been a eye-opener for me, I realized how much I really do miss the ocean.  Even a very angry ocean there is nothing like it.  One of my favorite things to do is to take pictures of the ocean, or the dunes up to the ocean.

In the aftermath the curious wonder how anyone would like to live at the beach. 

How do I explain it to anyone who does not have the lure of the ocean in their soul.  Why do fishermen continue to fish while the danger is so high?  They all, at one time or another decide not to go out on the water to work, But in the end they are always drawn back to the water.  It is the pull of the ocean, the draw of the calmness of the waves, and the feeling of peace the ocean gives. 

Living by the ocean gives one the feeling of being the only person in the world.  The horizon is so very far away and it feels as if you can see forever.  I can remember walking on the beach during the off season, freezing in a parka, snow boots and two pairs of pants, just looking out over the water and thinking how it goes on forever.  Feeling so small next to it.  Sitting there lost in the waves thinking of nothing more than how the waves build, roll and finally break on the beach.

       Even the angry, stormy ocean is beautiful and a wonder to be seen.  The way the waves slowly build, the white foam blowing off the top, then finally ever so slowly curl over and break with a deafening roar.  The roar which can be heard for blocks. Sounding like a lullaby to me, relaxing me to sleep.  I think I have been land-locked for too many years.  Feeling the call of the ocean more and more every day.

These storms are like a whistle to me to follow.  I am not sure how I can get back there but that is the goal for the future.  Preferably an Island, to be able to cross a bridge to get home is one of the greatest feelings.  Leaving LBI years ago, the happiest time was when I made it to the bridge and smelled the smell.  A cross between dead fish, salt water and seaweed, it stunk to most people, my mother hated it, I would open the windows and know I was almost home.  Even today when I get to that smell it is the best smell, better than any perfume or room freshener, it always smelled like home. 

One day I will get there and enjoy all the sounds of the water much more.   I will remember to cherish every sound and smell unlike I did before.  I now know how very special the ocean and beach are to me with being away for so long.  I will lay in bed and keep the window open, even in the cold of winter to be able to hear that special sound of the rolling waves.  I will make it a priority to see it every day.  Watch more sunrises on the beach.  See the sun cross the horizon and feel the warmth as it moves over head to heat the day. 

Yes, one day I will get back there and enjoy every second of it even in the less than desirable weather of winter.  Yes, one day my soul will be reunited to the call of the ocean siren of long ago stories.  Finally, I do understand.

In the wake of "Superstorm Sandy"

In the wake of "Super Storm Sandy" I look at all the places on the New Jersey coast and am reminded of all the years of living on LBI. Looking at the pictures of the devastation, I am sad and my prayers go out to the people who have lost everything.
I remember the very first storm we were evacuated for which was Gloria.  I can remember the feeling when standing at the door looking around and thinking everything we owned could very well be gone when we returned.  What should I pack?  What do I have time to pack up and how much will fit into the car?  Birth certificates, all of our pictures, all of our legal papers, all of the stuff people keep to look back on in later years to remember the good times.  Or do we take the TV, the stereo, the bed, the couch?  What do we take?  In the end all we took was ourselves and the dog.  Our home which was not much, only a very small apartment on the second floor of a typical cape cod familiar at the shore.  Small, but home to us. Everything we owned was in that small apartment.  I can say it was at that very minute I decided I was not going to leave for another storm, and I did not. I did, of course make a "hurricane bag" which held all we would need after the storm.  Not thinking when evacuating, we needed some form of ID which showed we really lived there.  A lease, a title, a power bill the last things thought of when standing at the door looking around trying to absorb it all.   Of course there were no storms of this strength, thank God.
I did stay on the island through the first 'perfect storm' where the tides fell on the cycle of the moon. Water so deep it was at the floorboards of the house we had just bought and only lived there a few months.  Scary, yes! Frustrating, more so!  However, I was happy I did stay there. not that I had a real choice. 
The morning of the storm which was only predicted to be high tides.  I ran home from work in the early morning to drive my son to the bus because it was raining so hard he would have been soaked in the half block walk.  On the way there I noticed the tide was a little high and in that instant I decided to have him stay home instead of leaving the Island to go to school.  Probably one of the wisest decisions I made.  Later in the day they had to keep the students at the school.  The only access to the island was flooded and the buses could not get back over to bring the children home.  When I finally left work for the day I could not drive down our street and had to walk in the water which was waist high.  The water went down at low time, not all the way down but enough for us to have a small sense of the storm being over, oh but no, the next time the tide came up it was even higher. By the end it was three days before we were able to move around normally and survey the damage. 
Many people lost there houses at the time.  The force of the water was incredible, the water as it came up lifted houses off their foundations.  Moved them a few feet, some even as far as the middle of  the street.  It was then I realized the power of water. I always equate it to the overflowing toilet, where the water just comes up over the sides and keeps coming.  It is just like when the ocean breaches the dunes or the bulkhead.  It comes up so fast!  Faster than any person has time to react.  I can remember how at the time I was mesmerized with the power of the flow of the water.  All I could do was stand there and watch it come up the street from one direction and up through the drains at the end of the streets.  It appeared from every open drain and manhole.
My heart and prayers go out to everyone who has lived through the past few days in the wake of the storm.  My empathy goes to the people who feel lost and hopeless. 
My son who grew up on LBI is feeling the sense of loss, all he knew growing up is gone.  Even living away from the island for over ten years he has the sense of loss, as do, I am sure most everyone who ever spent much of their vacations "at the shore" growing up. 
Even with watching the news and stories I still have the draw of the beach.  One day I will move back to the coast. I miss stopping on my way to work to view the ocean.  I love the angry ocean in the wake of the approaching storm.  We used to joke about the 'ions' which kept anyone who has lived by the ocean feel lost and empty away from the water. 
In the wake of this storm I finally figured out what was missing in my life.  The ocean. The sound of the waves hitting the beach.  The quiet of the off season at the beach. The Nor'easterners and the wind, and yes even the hurricanes.  The benefits of the ocean far outweigh the risks in my opinion.
My only advice to the people who have 'lost it all' is to
 "remember the important things in life.  You have built once to get where you are and can do it again.  Some days it will seem very overwhelming, some days the only thing to do is take everything one day at a time.  Some days you have to take life one step at a time. Focus on that one step, just putting one foot in front of the other, then it turns into two, then three, before you know it it becomes a mile.
Some days the only thing there is to do is go forward one minute, maybe only one second at a time. But going forward is the key, does not matter how fast or slow, just the fact of moving forward.  Start one second, then it will turn into one minute. Before you know it it will be all back and even better. And as hard and overwhelming it feels now the human spirit has the ultimate need to survive, and survive you will.  You will go on to bigger and better things.  You will rebuild.  You will get back to normal maybe not what you think normal is now but to a bigger and better normal!" 
My prayers and thoughts are there not that that matters, you do not know me any more that I know who you are, but prayers are good no matter from who.  Maybe one person reading this needs to know they have one person in their corner even though they may not know me.  One person who has faith you will be ok and believes, in spite of the hardship right now things do get better.  This will all be a memory sooner than you think.  Something to look back on and wonder how you made it through.  And when you get old stories to tell your grandchildren and great grandchildren.  

Seeing the signs

Today is a brand new day, a day which starts off new and beautiful full of promise and belief.  Anticipation for the inspiration which I know will come.  I really enjoy writing these blog posts, probably because I enjoy reading other inspirational sites and posts.
I know in my hearts of hearts I will touch one person just as I have been touched through the past few years. 
  I used to tell my mother, 'I am put where I am supposed to be when I am supposed to be there' and she never believed me.  I know through our choices we end up certain places in situations we are hurt by, or disappointed by, or elated by.  But I also know we would end up the same place eventually even if we do make all the correct choices along the path.. I myself like to go with the flow and follow the signs.  The signs are all around us we just have to be aware and sensitive enough to pick them up.
  Like my dimes, when I find a dime I always look at it as a message from my dad.  He would always check all the pay phones, when they were around, for change in the coin return.  Of course that was before cell phones and it was only a dime to make a phone call.  Ancient history since no one growing up now can even relate.  Every time I question whether I am headed in the correct direction I find a dime or two.  Usually in the most unexpected places, like under my office chair when I am the only one there, and return to the office knowing full well it was not there when I left.  Sometimes they end up on my nightstand when I know it was not there before.  They are just little winks from him to tell my he still is in my corner encouraging me and guiding me.  Last week my boss told me he found a couple of dimes during his day, made me feel good that my dad sees how much he has helped me in the past two years.
  The unexpected scent of my mom, there is this candle which she loved the smell of and I bought three of them when she was dying. She would sit and smell them like she was trying to take enough of the smell with her.  Most of the time I have them covered and cannot smell them, but every once in a while I get a really strong whiff of them and know she just walked past me.  Sometimes it is as if she is sitting in the living room with me watching TV.  I know she is not there in the physical form but it is impossible to convince me her spirit is not in that chair where she always sat.
  The day before she passed I told her to leave me peacock feathers.  What made me think of it was we used to go around the corner to see the live peacocks in the spring hoping their tails were open and beautiful.  The peacock feathers where never seen before, now they are everywhere, on stationary boxes, wrapping paper, in pictures to name a few. 
  We must be open and alert to read the messages.  Not everything is going to be a sign, however if we pay attention and not think it is all just coincidences, for there are no coincidence's in this world.  Everything is orchestrated and planned by the universe down to the finest detail.  We must have faith that all will and does work out to our best soul growth.
  More on the planning of the universe in the next post

Following your path

Today things are just getting better and better.  I am learning more each day, more of how to keep all the positive thoughts in my concsious thoughts, which in turn keep them in the unconscious also.  I remember to always check my favorite email from www.tut.com , 'Totally unique thoughts' always full of positive thoughts and reminding everything in my head and thoughts come true.  I am learning more and more how to give up control and just go with the flow of life. 
I finally realize I almost have the life I always wanted!  I live alone I have two cats who are always glad to see me.  I have a job I really enjoy and make decent money, I started selling my bracelets on www.ebay.com and am making a little money there, and now I am blogging.  Which is really writing which I have always really wanted to do.  I hope someone out there is enjoying this. Even better I hope my positive inspiration will help them as all the web sites on the Internet have helped me through the years.  This is not meant to change any ones life but mine, my only hope is it will make them know they can do anything they want. 
To do anything I want was always stifled by the people around me with the words, 'get real' you need to have a real job.  The people we look to most for the support are usually the ones who try to tell us it can't be done.  Ironically they are the same people now who I want to prove wrong.  This blog is meant to be a way for anyone wanting to do something all the people around them told them was impossible.  I have learned that nothing is impossible if we want it bad enough.  We just have to put all those thought aside and follow our hearts and do what we know in our souls is right for us...
Until tomorrow, or maybe in a couple of hours, think only positive thoughts and know that we are right where we are supposed to be and doing what we are supposed be doing at any given time.  We all have a path to follow on our journey and we are always on the correct one, the trick is to just believe it and have the faith.

Building the life I want

Building the life I want is really easy.  All I have to do is imagine what I want and it will come true.  Right!First thing is to be able to make an income from writing since it is what I truly enjoy, and I hope other people do also.  I have an enormous amount of positive websites I follow.  The one that I have read from the start of my change over into this new person is "TUT" Totally unique thoughts. www.tut.com this is so unique it sends and email every day with a positive thought and usually when I need it the most.  I have visited the site daily for over two years and the messages I need on any particular day seem so appropriateate to my day.  I am so thankful that this website is in operation. I try to follow the advice and live my life from positivity instead of negativity. 
There are ways I can see that I actually create my life and it is not always positive.  The law of attraction states whatever you put out there comes to you so think positive and imagine what you want to already be true.  Hard to do!  I have found in the past year how true that is.  I am starting to understand how 'thoughts become things.' I think about how I do not want something and actually draw the very thing into my life.  I am really concentrating on how my thoughts create my future.  I read the book "The Secret"   www.thesecret.tv , a few years ago and thought I was thinking and believing I was thinking about what I wanted however, I am now learning how I sabotage going forward. I worry about everything which could happen instead of what I want to happen.  I have recently learned deep inside of me there are things I want to do for myself, so even if I think I want someone to "save" me, in my heart I want to save myself....
 So I am writing this blog for everyone who thinks dreams do not come true.  They do and they always will if deep in your heart you can feel them, believe them and act as if they already were.
My goal is to connect to one person and to share the positivity these two inspirational items have had on me.  I still visit the www.tut.com site daily even after five years of this leg of my journey.  Now as I transition into another leg of the journey I find it better than before. I hope others enjoy it as much as I do.

Every day is a new day to start over. Thank goodness! We are able to put the yesterdays behind us and move on to the new experiences of today. We always have the chance to make new choices. And that is where I am at now.

Building the life I want is really easy.  All I have to do is imagine what I want and it will come true.  Right!First thing is to be able to make an income from writing since it is what I truly enjoy, and I hope other people do also.  I have an enormous amount of positive websites I follow.  The one that I have read from the start of my change over into this new person is "TUT" Totally unique thoughts. www.tut.com this is so unique it sends and email every day with a positive thought and usually when I need it the most.  I have visited the site daily for over two years and the messages I need on any particular day seem so appropriateate to my day.  I am so thankful that this website is in operation. I try to follow the advice and live my life from positivity instead of negativity. 
There are ways I can see that I actually create my life and it is not always positive.  The law of attraction states whatever you put out there comes to you so think positive and imagine what you want to already be true.  Hard to do!  I have found in the past year how true that is.  I am starting to understand how 'thoughts become things.' I think about how I do not want something and actually draw the very thing into my life.  I am really concentrating on how my thoughts create my future.  I read the book "The Secret"   www.thesecret.tv , a few years ago and thought I was thinking and believing I was thinking about what I wanted however, I am now learning how I sabotage going forward. I worry about everything which could happen instead of what I want to happen.  I have recently learned deep inside of me there are things I want to do for myself, so even if I think I want someone to "save" me, in my heart I want to save myself....
 So I am writing this blog for everyone who thinks dreams do not come true.  They do and they always will if deep in your heart you can feel them, believe them and act as if they already were.
My goal is to connect to one person and to share the positivity these two inspirational items have had on me.  I still visit the www.tut.com site daily even after five years of this leg of my journey.  Now as I transition into another leg of the journey I find it better than before. I hope others enjoy it as much as I do.