The meeting of a lifetime

And the story continues:

I waited the full twenty-four hours to call, hard as that was. I could not wait to hear his voice. I wanted to call all day and was so afraid to call early, not wanting to push things. It was to be, in fact only the second time I would talk to him in thirty-five years. I was cautious! Oh so cautious! I was afraid! Excited!
We laughed and talked, talked and laughed for hours. Mostly small talk.  Through some of the conversation we did filled each other in on our lives while we had been apart.
We both had heartache and happiness. We shared it all, no secrets between us, never had been.  While we talked we tried to figure out what had happen all those years ago. Neither of us had a clue. We looked back and  both remembered with fondness at how close we were.
While we were on the phone through the conversations we both admitted we would never get married again, neither wanting any type of relationship for fear of being hurt again. I was afraid of making a mistake again and had closed off any and all feelings which enabled me to create any relationship.  I did not want to get hurt again and if I did not get involved I could not get hurt.
I was moving forward!
Amazingly after the second phone call I realized I still loved this man, I had loved him since I was eighteen years old. I remembered the night I fell in love with him, I remembered the exact minute he captured my heart and has held it all these years. No, I did not tell him this fact, it was not the time. That was for a later date, maybe, unsure of how he felt.
Did he want to continue our friendship or was he just being nice to me. This is his personality, he never wanted to hurt someones feelings. Was he being like this to me, being nice as not to hurt my feelings? I was afraid. In actuality it took another two calls before I began to think there was a chance for us. Two long calls later where I finally started to realize he did care for me too. Could it be possible he wanted to talk to me as much as I wanted to talk to him. Did he wait to call me with the same anticipation in which I waited for him to call?
Every time the phone rang and it had the town on it I would be thrilled. My heart filled up and then it did not matter anymore it was only us in the world. Was this love? Is this what love felt like?
Then he spilled the beans and said " I think we were in love back then and were to dumb to realize it"
I was dumbfounded! Was it really possible he cared for me as much as I cared for him?
One day early in the morning I decided to text him. Since we had shared cell phone numbers I threw caution to the wind and text him. I am still not sure what made me text him, but I sure wish we had had texting so many years ago.
We 'said' more in those texts than we did on the phone. There was not the fear of hearing the tone of the voice and the ability to be honest and open was much easier.
It was then I decided to go visit him and see if the sparks were still there.  Still very cautious I only told one person at work, the one person who would be rooting for me. I did tell my sister I was going there and she was thrilled. She told me of all the people I had dated in the past he was her favorite.
I needed to go see if we still had it and it was not just the romantic hopes of a young twenty-one year old.
Did we have the spark?   I made my plans and told him I was going to visit. The sound of his voice I was not sure if he was happy or afraid. I did not know if I was excited or afraid. I only knew I had to take this totally uncharacteristic chance of a lifetime.
Could we possibly go back or better yet would we be able to continue on this journey through life together? Would we be able to move forward into the future this time?
I started with going from Tuesday to Thursday, I needed to know I was only going to be there for a few days. What if it was awful? What if we actually had nothing to say to each other? What would happen if I was not the same person he remembered.
We had told each other, or tried to tell each other how we had changed. We both had aged and lacking confidence we both were afraid the other would not like how we looked now. I knew in my heart looks did not matter, it was the connection, was it still there?
 The longer we talked the more we laughed and shared our dreams I knew in my heart that I needed to stay longer. I decided to go up on Monday instead and had to hold myself back from going on Sunday. I knew he was spending time with his son on Monday and did not want to go there yet. He said I could go with him but I was not ready for that yet. I needed to know about us. This was our time to figure it all out, our time to either reconnect or put closure to the past.
We shared how excited we were, how cautious we felt. We spent hours on the phone nightly, so long some nights it killed the battery in my phone.
Finally the day before I was ready to leave and while packing I texted him and told him not to play with my feelings. If he was just being the nice guy and not wanting to say no, not to make me drive up there. His answer was 'no he was not playing.' It was at that minute I realized he was as nervous as I was.
The day was here! I got ready to leave!
Not knowing where I was going I wanted to leave plenty of time to get there. Who was I kidding I wanted to get there. The ride was long and I did a lot of thinking and soul searching, just as I had since I knew he was in fact alive. I tried to understand the pull of him. The reason I HAD to go there.  Who drives five and half hours on a whim.
What or who was the force which drove me to something so out of the normal for me.  I did not like to stay anywhere away from home specially some one's house I have not seen or talked to for thirty some years. I did not know what to expect. The barrage of emotions I felt on the way there was overwhelming at times, and I would catch myself start to cry. My mind wandered at times looking back over the years and everyone I had been involved with. Each of them had some of the characteristics this man had.  The tears just poured down my face and I felt like my heart was going to burst. I was OK while I was not thinking about who I was going to visit, but as soon as I remembered it was him, it was almost too much for me to feel.
After the long drive up then down the mountains I arrived.
He was not there and I was glad. I knew the timing would be close since he had been out for the afternoon.  I was happy I got there before he did. Gave me time to unkink myself from the car and take in the area. I was in awe, I had in fact driven there on blind faith. The amount of emotions I felt was from fear to elation.
I could hardly wait for him to get there. Did we have a chance? Could we move forward?
I waited on the porch and it was only about ten minutes. Felt like hours. Felt like seconds.
Then I heard it! The truck pulling into the driveway, slowly up the stones. Seemed like it took hours but in reality only seconds. I stood up and he got out of the truck.
Not even taking the time to close the truck door we met halfway between the porch and the truck.
I grabbed his face and he hugged me. We melted and it was if all the years disappeared.
I knew at that very minute, in that second which he grabbed me and hugged me like he had so many years ago, I was finally home.
I had found the love I had been looking for all my life.
I knew in that minute we would never be separated again. We would  be on this leg of the journey together, forever. I knew then why I had driven there on faith and an inner feeling of safety.  After what seemed like forever we moved.  He closed the truck door and we went inside.
Sure we had changed, we had aged, but at that second in eternity we were those two young people who had loved each other so many years ago.
Beyond belief the love was still there! I know I was comforted beyond belief! I was so very happy.
My heart and soul finally had their home. I, at that minute knew, he was who I had been searching for my entire adult life. A little sad, we had had it and allowed it to slip away.
I secretly thanked God for the gift of us.
Incredibly grateful for this third chance at this incredible amount of love I felt. For the first time in my life I felt full. My heart felt complete. The emotion made me want to cry.
Even as I write this now a little over a month since that first reconnection I cry thinking how incredible lucky I am to have my best friend from so long ago back.
The only person I felt comfortable and safe enough to tell my darkest secrets to and have him still love me. The only person in this world I wanted to share my life with unconditionally forever. Then miracle upon miracles he felt the same way.
I watched him look at me with such love it made my heart warm. In those first few hours we learned so much about each other and how intense the feelings were.  We talked and laughed the days away. There were plenty of times I reached over and touched his hand to physically know he was there. Looking over at him I could not believe how lucky I was, how very blessed, to be in the same room after all those years. I can honestly say I was and am the happiest I have ever been in my life.  The idea that he could possibly, maybe be just as happy is indescribable.
How can I ever thank God enough for this incredible gift?  If there ever was a miracle it occurred right there on that driveway, way up in the mountains.  I felt as if I was on top of the world. There was no way I was letting this slip out of my life again.  Would third time be the charm?  Could we let down the walls around our emotions slip down and say what we needed to, to be able to allow our hearts and souls feel what they were telling us?
While there I knew this was not the last time for us, it was the beginning of an entire new life, not just for me but for both of us. Putting the past to rest and finally being able to spend the rest of my life with my best friend, with my soul mate and the person I had loved for more than half my life.
Every night I thank God for the gift he has given to me, the gift of this man!

The most unlikely of places--Facebook!

The most unlikely of places--Facebook!
I finally against all odds and totally uncharacteristically of me I 'messaged' this old friend from high school. We went back and forth and it was not long before the subject of this person who I had thought of  for all those years came up. She informed me he was alive and living far away from here.
I tried to remain calm and look for the right words as to not give away too much.  I did not want to appear to eager for fear he was married or in a committed relationship.
My heart did cartwheels!
Just the mere thought he was alive and the shooting did not kill him as I had heard so many years before made my soul rejoice.
Of course I had to 'play' it cool!  Not seem to excited, I asked how he was and was told he had, yes, been shot and wounded, but had recovered and was living alone. My soul rejoiced and felt this really weird feeling of elation. He sent his phone number for me to call him.  I messaged back with my number and said he could call me. Part of me wanted to know if he really wanted to talk to me and if there was still a spark on his end. I was actually afraid to call him.
I went through a barrage of emotions! Could we actually see each other again?  Could we pick up where we had left off so many years ago? Would we still have the same connection? Did we still have that comfort of time gone past?
I had already Googled his number and knew where he lived so when the phone rang and I saw the caller ID I knew it was him.
Fear, excitement, panic set in.
I was afraid to answer the phone, afraid not to answer.
I answered finally which took every fiber of my being to sound unaffected by the call.
The first few seconds were awkward, but only the first few seconds. In actuality after the first hello's were done the magic was still there.  That voice which I remembered from years gone past melted my heart at that minute. Silly as it sounds.
As soon as the first hello's were spoken, as soon as the first words were over, I was so glad I answered and thankful for this opportunity.
My heart skipped one thousands beats and I realized no time had passed.
I did not know how he felt or what he thought, I only knew I was so glad he called and I answered.
We talked for some time rehashing what had gone on the past years when we had gone on with our life, the every day things old friends talk about. The first call was a reintroduction of each other.
Sure we had changed, we were older, more reserved and definitely more cautious.
Sitting listening to his voice I was reminded of all those years ago when we had 'hung out' together and of all the fun we had.
My heart and soul filled with the joy of a teenager! The more we talked the more I realized how I had cared for him all those years ago. Not the mushy, lusty kind of caring, but the deep down comfort of the soul caring.
As we were ready to hang up it was decided I would call the next night when I got home from work.
Thinking after the call I told myself I was being absurd!  All I knew at that minute was I wanted to talk to him more.
We had, oh so many years ago, a great thing! We spent many a night talking and laughing. There had never been an awkward minute between us.
Now, I had to wait until the next night to call. I had to wait a full twenty four hours! Somehow get through work the next day!
Thus the cat and mouse game started.
I knew it was going to resemble a sparring match of sorts.
Neither of us giving away too much information
As I lay in bed that night unable to sleep, thinking back to the times we had spent together I was filled with a sense of longing and knew my life had just changed.  Not knowing how or why, I just knew life was going to be different and that all my ideas of my future had changed.
Silly I knew from the first hello my soul was happy! I knew in my heart I had found my home again.
I feared he did not feel the same way.  I was scared beyond words, however, I also knew it was all going to be OK.
My heart was light and felt like I was teenager all over again. I could hardly believe he was in fact talking to me again. We had never had a bad thing happen between us. We did not argue or bicker we were always just happy to see each other, oh so many years ago.
My mind started to hope against all hope! Could we pick up again? Would we be able to rekindle the relationship we had let slip away so many years ago? Had we been so jaded by life we were both bitter.
For the first time in so long I started to think about letting someone into my heart again. Scared? yes, Excited, yes.
What I did not know after that first phone call was that my life was really going to change and that God had such big plans for me.  God has given us a gift so great. I did not know until later after a few more calls what that first call would or could have done for me, for him, and for the future.
Stay tuned..........