Those five days are over

Driving there after those five days I had time to think about the separation.
What a long five days! He was there and I was here.
It was this separation where I realized, more than I did before, I could not live without him. It was so much more difficult this time, after just spending all those days together.
I wondered how I was ever going to make it through these days. I, by now had become used to him being there!  Loved having him there! What a warming feeling to pull around the corner and see the truck, to know he was there waiting for me. For ME!
Every day as I came home from a long day at work, which felt so much longer now, he was there with a hug telling me how happy he was to see me! Never have I ever wanted anyone to be there as I did now. Now I wanted to get out of work and race home to be with HIM! The fun we had! The laughs we shared!
 It was lonely! and I have never been lonely! I have never had a sense of loneliness, I enjoyed being alone and was perfectly happy. This odd feeling, this loneliness I was feeling now was abnormal to me.
I knew he had to go 'home' it was an important weekend for him and his family. His son, set to propose to his girlfriend. The whole family was to be there! I knew I should have been there and he told me that many times. He told me how much he wanted me to be there. But at the same time he knew I needed to stay and finish out my time at work, hard as it was to be separated now, again, after so many years apart.
How difficult it was for me to not be there on such an important day for them!
It was at that minute I realized how if I decided to keep my job and try to work out a long term solution for the distance I would come to resent my job! Funny, even how much I loved my job I would resent it and wish everyday I was there. It was then I knew I had to forgo my career and follow my heart and give in to the love I have for this man who I had loved for oh so long.
My phone started with messages and pictures of the proposal, how sad I was that I was not there to share in the special day. There would never be another day as this and I missed it.
I missed the feeling of pride my future husband had felt to watch his son propose to the love of his life.
While he was gone those days I realized I did not want to ever miss an important event in his life again, and that was far more important than any career I could have. More fulfilling than any type of work I could do. I realized in those five days I could not live without him!
As I drove the long five and half hours I had plenty of time to think!
Think about all those times in his life I had missed because we were so young and stupid back then. We did not have any idea what we gave up then. But, we do realize it now and we are not wasting any time now. We have made plans and were keeping it a secret!
We planned on getting married this time. We planned to be married alone!
Just the two of us! No one else to be concerned about.
A connection so deep it transcends time and distance!!
Getting closer to my destination meant I was getting closer to him! Closer to the person I loved!
I finally understood the true meaning of love, a love that was unconditional and defied explanation!

We just spent the most glorious fifteen days together!

Waiting for him to arrive on that day, the day he was to come and stay with me, was different. After I came home from work I bustled around the house and thoughts went back in time and wondered how it could or would have been. I often think how excited I would have been waiting for him to come home from work! As I tinkered around doing last minute things waiting for him the excitement grew and I watched out the door every couple of minutes to see if his truck was pulling in the lot yet!
Oh! When it did I felt like that young twenty one year old waiting here for him to come over every night. Yes it was the same house he had spent so much time with me as young adults. My parents, my sister and brother and my baby, he spent many nights here with all of us watching TV and just "hanging out." We should have known then it was love but we were young and did not understand, or maybe both of us were just too shy to say anything.
Looking back now, how I wished I had told him how much I cared about him, how important he was to me, and how much I liked being with him. Shy and insecure I was afraid he would laugh at me and leave me alone, funny how we drifted apart anyway!
Just drifted apart! Never an argument, never a fight and we rarely ever disagreed on anything.
As I think back now, maybe, neither one of us was ready for that all encompassing love. We needed to experience life before we could ever realize what we have now and understand what we had then is not for the faint of heart. It is so intense it fills the heart and soul up to the point of almost being painful.
How, when we were young could we have ever understood that? Only now after the heartaches, and the pains suffered could we get it! Get it! that what we have is so very special!
A love so deep it reaches to the core of my being. A love that has transcended time and distance! A love which has endured the tests of time apart and picked up right were we left off so many years ago!
We just spent the most glorious fifteen days together! He stayed with me because of the commitments I have at work and home. I need to get packing while still working full time. It was difficult leaving for work every day while he was here but, it was so much better knowing he was here when I came home after a long day. Sure we still talked, and text during the day, seems like we never run out of things to say to each other.
During those fifteen days we learned we could live together! I know he was bored while I worked. I know he wished he was at his house! What a sacrifice he made to be here and how I appreciate that! We are so alike in the feeling we both like to be home, so I know how difficult it was for him.
I also am so grateful I did not have to wait three weeks to spend time with him.
We did simple things like any old married couple would do, eat dinner, watch TV at night and fall asleep on the couch. Some nights I would doze off and when I woke up I would catch him looking at me!
Looking at me like he could not believe it was me napping on his leg while we were 'watching' TV. What a joy for me to see the love in his eyes as he watched me sleep. Pure, simply, undying love flowed out of his eyes. I would turn and he would just smile at me, knowing I had caught him looking at me, again!
I have never felt so loved and secure in the knowledge he would forever hold and cherish my heart and not break it. Just as I will with his! I will cherish his heart until the end of time!
I will be forever thankful for the love and time we have now, however long that may be! I have him, HIM, back in my life and I realize how very special a man he is!  Still, every time I think to myself, it is him, my eyes fill up and I cry, tears of overwhelming emotion run down my face for the love I have, and the joy of being able to spend the rest of my life with him. Each and every day, morning and night I thank God for the gift I have been given, the privilege of him loving me!
Of course we went out to dinner a couple of times and it felt a little odd going out together, we did not go out while we were seeing each other so many years ago. We were always just happy being together! It never mattered what we did at all, only that we did it together. Dummy us we did not realize that was love. It was not the lustful love of the movies, it was not a fleeting feeling where once we were away it was forgotten. It was and still is a deep heart and soul kind of love.
This was wonderful and I despised the idea he had to leave. He had commitments at home and needed to be there. I counted the days when I was to drive up there.
Five! Five long days apart!
Five days before I could touch his face! Sit next to him! See him!
How would I make it? After waiting thirty five years could I survive five days?
I was not sure if my heart could take it again, this separation, of our lives.