Change

One thing I am finding out about myself is I do not like change.  It is not the actual change itself, for that is always a good thing, it is the anticipation of the change.  The waiting for it to take place.  I reach a point that I wish it was just over.  It is much easier to adapt to it then.
The waiting, the anticipation is always stressful.  It always feels like a pressure cooker waiting for the top to blow off.  I think because I am so sensitive to the 'feelings' around me and am able to pick up on them I become stressed. 
It can be good and excitement but the body still registers stress.
The body does not know the difference between good or bad, excitement or dread, it still senses it as stress.  The body reacts the same way to good and bad stress.
So in the event of change it is the leading up to the change which I find the hardest to deal with.  It comes to the point that I just want the change to occur, to be done with, to have the dust settle and be able to move on.
Funny how at my age I am still learning alot about 'me' and how I deal with things.
I know I stay when I should move on because the unknown is so scary.  I wait until I am forced to move on and the inevitable change takes me like a wave in the ocean.  The tumbling the turning of the water where it is impossible to fight against.  The water takes us where it wants to not where we think we should be going.
So at some point in the actual leading up to the changes we know are coming we just need to let the water take us where it will and just go with the flow.  For going with the flow is so much easier than fighting and keep the faith.
Keep the faith that we are on the path to where we are supposed to be at this point in life.
Follow the flow and not fight against it.
Just know that it will all be ok and that "they all lived happily ever after"

The Purple Mug

To anyone else it is just a $3.99 purple and green coffee mug however, to me it is the merging of two phases of my life. Purple and green, my two favorite colors in the same mug.  I have always like purple and the green which no one would ever put together, fascinates me.  It reminds me of so much. Mardi Gras, the motel across the street from us in Marathon Florida, the slot machines in the casino and the very, very different phases of my life.
I have used the same coca cola mug for ten years.  I brought it with me when I moved back, it always represented the life I had just left and thought I wanted to go back to.  So for the past ten years I have been really stuck, can't go back but can't move forward. So stuck in limbo is where I have spent the last ten years, floundering with no direction, no specific ways to go but one foot in front of the other.
I have been looking for a new mug but I guess I wasn't really ready to mesh all the parts of my life.  This purple and green coffee mug starts a very exciting new phase of my life. 
So to me it is not JUST a mug, but a whole new life for me.
 The purple and green mug looks happy, if a mug could be considered 'happy looking' it looks happy.  It reminds me to look forward with excited anticipation.  To always see the happy in every situation.  It is a daily reminder of how far I have come and how much I have to look forward to in this new life.
The 'mug' is my constant reminder how each new day is just that a new day to start on the journey.  We may slip and slide back into our old roles.  We are always more comfortable in the old because we know it. 
Walking forward into the unknown is scary and sometimes terrifying but still we must do it.  For, if we do not we become stuck in the roles that have been known and comfortable to us.  In that case we do not grow.  When I say grow it does not mean age it means just that grow.
Grow into what and where we are supposed to be when we are supposed to be there.
So after writing this I know that it is not any ordinary 'mug' I bought last week.   It is the future!  It is the beginning of a new growth period for me.
So that happy looking 'purple and green mug' is so much more than just a vat for coffee or tea.
It is my everyday reminder to look forward to the future with excitement and happiness.
It is an everyday reminder that the future holds so much more and all I have to do is to take the first step off the platform and trust there is a new life there for me.