One year age yesterday we said good-bye to our mother.  In some ways it has been a long year, and on the other hand it is difficult to believe it has been a year.  Some days it actually feels like she is still here.  Probably due to the fact sadly I have not changed much so far.  Her old bathroom looks like she has just walked out of it.  I clean of course, but all her personal items are there, her shampoo, her body wash, and even her teeth.  Why I did not throw them out eludes me however, I suspect in my heart I keep thinking she will be back.  DUH!  
The times I miss her the most is when something happens I think she would enjoy hearing about.  Some funny little thing I would tell her about when I called her on my break.  I know my sister misses her the most because they were the closest.  My sister would call mom almost everyday just to talk.  I would like to think we did become close in the years I have lived here.  But for a twist of fate put me here and in the end it was the right thing.  My proof that God knows best and we should not look fate in the eye. 
My sister and I spent the day together yesterday.  We went to lunch and then shopping. It was fun!  and kind of helped the day pass.  I was home early and had time to eat dinner and make bracelets for my sites on eBay and Etsy, which can be seen from my other blog.   http://suesladybugjewelry.blogspot.com
Take a trip there and look around, there are links to the individual items and once on the site look at the other merchandise.  Thanks! 
Back to the past years with my mother.  I went from daughter, to friend, to caregiver which I was in the end.  We found out in November that she was full of cancer.  Colon cancer they said.  By the time we found out she had it the cancer was in her liver, lungs, rib cage, and spread out all over.  The doctor was shocked to see how bad it was.  So were we really.  Then four months later she passed.  Ironically she passed the way she wanted.  No treatment.  No hospital. No fuss.  I was very glad that I could give her that gift and allow her to stay in the home she had been in for forty years.  It was my pleasure to allow that and accept all the help which came.
Sure it was stressful and tiring. I missed alot of sleep. She had her days and nights mixed up toward the end. I guess because she was home alone most of the day she slept.  Which was actually safer for her since she had started to fall.  But that meant I was up really late and had to get up for work the next morning.  When I closed the store it was a little better because my sister could be here and get her settled then there was only an hour until I was home. 
We had only gotten the hospital bed one week to the day before she died.  She was only in the hospital bed for two or three days before she went into a comma. 
So in the end she did not know anything.  She was only aware of the bed being here for a very short time and the bed was in the living room not the bedroom.  I wanted her in the hub of activity, not 'banned' to a sick room. Both my sisters were here when the bed got here and then Nancy had to get back to work in the city.  Mom was awake the entire time Nancy was here but the last couple of hours.  I was glad about that.
So in the last year I have learned so much... and Mom doesn't even know or does she.  She gave me the gift to be able to grow and form my confidence that I can do this,  No matter what the hiccups along the way are.  No matter how many times I stumble I can always land on my feet.
So this day one year and one day since you passed I say thank you for all you have given me.