The Lure of the Ocean

In the wake of this storm I finally figured out what was missing in my life. 
The ocean. The sound of the waves hitting the beach.  The quiet of the off season at the beach. The Nor'easterns and the wind, and yes even the hurricanes.  My need for the beach has been amplified through this trying time for the beaches along the eastern coast. 

I look at it now as a calling for me to be close to the water.  Ironically in the devastation brought about in this storm I can say it has been a eye-opener for me, I realized how much I really do miss the ocean.  Even a very angry ocean there is nothing like it.  One of my favorite things to do is to take pictures of the ocean, or the dunes up to the ocean.

In the aftermath the curious wonder how anyone would like to live at the beach. 

How do I explain it to anyone who does not have the lure of the ocean in their soul.  Why do fishermen continue to fish while the danger is so high?  They all, at one time or another decide not to go out on the water to work, But in the end they are always drawn back to the water.  It is the pull of the ocean, the draw of the calmness of the waves, and the feeling of peace the ocean gives. 

Living by the ocean gives one the feeling of being the only person in the world.  The horizon is so very far away and it feels as if you can see forever.  I can remember walking on the beach during the off season, freezing in a parka, snow boots and two pairs of pants, just looking out over the water and thinking how it goes on forever.  Feeling so small next to it.  Sitting there lost in the waves thinking of nothing more than how the waves build, roll and finally break on the beach.

       Even the angry, stormy ocean is beautiful and a wonder to be seen.  The way the waves slowly build, the white foam blowing off the top, then finally ever so slowly curl over and break with a deafening roar.  The roar which can be heard for blocks. Sounding like a lullaby to me, relaxing me to sleep.  I think I have been land-locked for too many years.  Feeling the call of the ocean more and more every day.

These storms are like a whistle to me to follow.  I am not sure how I can get back there but that is the goal for the future.  Preferably an Island, to be able to cross a bridge to get home is one of the greatest feelings.  Leaving LBI years ago, the happiest time was when I made it to the bridge and smelled the smell.  A cross between dead fish, salt water and seaweed, it stunk to most people, my mother hated it, I would open the windows and know I was almost home.  Even today when I get to that smell it is the best smell, better than any perfume or room freshener, it always smelled like home. 

One day I will get there and enjoy all the sounds of the water much more.   I will remember to cherish every sound and smell unlike I did before.  I now know how very special the ocean and beach are to me with being away for so long.  I will lay in bed and keep the window open, even in the cold of winter to be able to hear that special sound of the rolling waves.  I will make it a priority to see it every day.  Watch more sunrises on the beach.  See the sun cross the horizon and feel the warmth as it moves over head to heat the day. 

Yes, one day I will get back there and enjoy every second of it even in the less than desirable weather of winter.  Yes, one day my soul will be reunited to the call of the ocean siren of long ago stories.  Finally, I do understand.

In the wake of "Superstorm Sandy"

In the wake of "Super Storm Sandy" I look at all the places on the New Jersey coast and am reminded of all the years of living on LBI. Looking at the pictures of the devastation, I am sad and my prayers go out to the people who have lost everything.
I remember the very first storm we were evacuated for which was Gloria.  I can remember the feeling when standing at the door looking around and thinking everything we owned could very well be gone when we returned.  What should I pack?  What do I have time to pack up and how much will fit into the car?  Birth certificates, all of our pictures, all of our legal papers, all of the stuff people keep to look back on in later years to remember the good times.  Or do we take the TV, the stereo, the bed, the couch?  What do we take?  In the end all we took was ourselves and the dog.  Our home which was not much, only a very small apartment on the second floor of a typical cape cod familiar at the shore.  Small, but home to us. Everything we owned was in that small apartment.  I can say it was at that very minute I decided I was not going to leave for another storm, and I did not. I did, of course make a "hurricane bag" which held all we would need after the storm.  Not thinking when evacuating, we needed some form of ID which showed we really lived there.  A lease, a title, a power bill the last things thought of when standing at the door looking around trying to absorb it all.   Of course there were no storms of this strength, thank God.
I did stay on the island through the first 'perfect storm' where the tides fell on the cycle of the moon. Water so deep it was at the floorboards of the house we had just bought and only lived there a few months.  Scary, yes! Frustrating, more so!  However, I was happy I did stay there. not that I had a real choice. 
The morning of the storm which was only predicted to be high tides.  I ran home from work in the early morning to drive my son to the bus because it was raining so hard he would have been soaked in the half block walk.  On the way there I noticed the tide was a little high and in that instant I decided to have him stay home instead of leaving the Island to go to school.  Probably one of the wisest decisions I made.  Later in the day they had to keep the students at the school.  The only access to the island was flooded and the buses could not get back over to bring the children home.  When I finally left work for the day I could not drive down our street and had to walk in the water which was waist high.  The water went down at low time, not all the way down but enough for us to have a small sense of the storm being over, oh but no, the next time the tide came up it was even higher. By the end it was three days before we were able to move around normally and survey the damage. 
Many people lost there houses at the time.  The force of the water was incredible, the water as it came up lifted houses off their foundations.  Moved them a few feet, some even as far as the middle of  the street.  It was then I realized the power of water. I always equate it to the overflowing toilet, where the water just comes up over the sides and keeps coming.  It is just like when the ocean breaches the dunes or the bulkhead.  It comes up so fast!  Faster than any person has time to react.  I can remember how at the time I was mesmerized with the power of the flow of the water.  All I could do was stand there and watch it come up the street from one direction and up through the drains at the end of the streets.  It appeared from every open drain and manhole.
My heart and prayers go out to everyone who has lived through the past few days in the wake of the storm.  My empathy goes to the people who feel lost and hopeless. 
My son who grew up on LBI is feeling the sense of loss, all he knew growing up is gone.  Even living away from the island for over ten years he has the sense of loss, as do, I am sure most everyone who ever spent much of their vacations "at the shore" growing up. 
Even with watching the news and stories I still have the draw of the beach.  One day I will move back to the coast. I miss stopping on my way to work to view the ocean.  I love the angry ocean in the wake of the approaching storm.  We used to joke about the 'ions' which kept anyone who has lived by the ocean feel lost and empty away from the water. 
In the wake of this storm I finally figured out what was missing in my life.  The ocean. The sound of the waves hitting the beach.  The quiet of the off season at the beach. The Nor'easterners and the wind, and yes even the hurricanes.  The benefits of the ocean far outweigh the risks in my opinion.
My only advice to the people who have 'lost it all' is to
 "remember the important things in life.  You have built once to get where you are and can do it again.  Some days it will seem very overwhelming, some days the only thing to do is take everything one day at a time.  Some days you have to take life one step at a time. Focus on that one step, just putting one foot in front of the other, then it turns into two, then three, before you know it it becomes a mile.
Some days the only thing there is to do is go forward one minute, maybe only one second at a time. But going forward is the key, does not matter how fast or slow, just the fact of moving forward.  Start one second, then it will turn into one minute. Before you know it it will be all back and even better. And as hard and overwhelming it feels now the human spirit has the ultimate need to survive, and survive you will.  You will go on to bigger and better things.  You will rebuild.  You will get back to normal maybe not what you think normal is now but to a bigger and better normal!" 
My prayers and thoughts are there not that that matters, you do not know me any more that I know who you are, but prayers are good no matter from who.  Maybe one person reading this needs to know they have one person in their corner even though they may not know me.  One person who has faith you will be ok and believes, in spite of the hardship right now things do get better.  This will all be a memory sooner than you think.  Something to look back on and wonder how you made it through.  And when you get old stories to tell your grandchildren and great grandchildren.